Small Talk

I’m convinced I’m an ambivert – but regardless of whether or not I’m an introvert or an extrovert, one thing I know I am is awkward when it comes to small talk. Friends tell me I’m not awkward, but a) that’s because we’re friends and I’m not awkward around them and b) even if I’m somewhat successful  in not coming off as awkward – I feel awkward when I’m forced into small talk.

Recently, I’ve been kind of sort of most definitely obsessed with this blog called Just The Elevator Pitch. You kind of sort of most definitely NEED to check it out. You’ll be hooked and probably never have time to come back and read my blog, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take because Nicole’s blog is just that damn great.

Anywho – she came up with a genius way of figuring out, “AmI Good At Small Talk?
Going into this exercise, I am fully expecting that answer to be a big fat nope. How am I going to find out? Going through the Google Trends page to see what the most searched topic of each of the past 30 days was. And seeing if I know anything about it at all.

 Facebook Privacy 
        Unfortunately, my newsfeed has been overrun with people under the false assumption that anything they put on the internet is private. I truly question the collective intelligence of our society when trends like this pop up. And I’m shocked that across the country, “Channel 13 News” is discussing these “changes” to Facebook’s privacy policy. Because where I’m from, I’m pretty sure that channel 13 is PBS and all they’re showing is Arthur and Curious George. 
        I know now that boys are not from Mars. And that Mars Bars are quite delicious. I’ve also heard the news that there’s water on Mars.
        Lunar Eclipse
        As my dad texted me on Sunday night, telling me I HAD to look out my window and look at the moon, I had a sudden moment of sadness when I realized if I got out of bed and looked out my window – all I would see were buildings.
          iPhone 6S 
        Why people think it’s fun to stand in absurd lines on the day new Apple products are released I will never know – they do know there is such a thing as pre-order right? Then again, I spent hours at the local Borders to get my hands on Harry Potter Books the second the clock struck midnight. So who am I to judge?
 Thursday Night Football
 My football knowledge leaves much to be desired. 
 Autumnal Equinox
 I don’t know what it means scientifically except that my favorite season is over and it’s going to get cold out. And also that when engaging in small talk – it’s best to avoid talking about the weather unless you want to seem seriously inept.
 Scream Queens
        I got nothin’. A Google search (ironic) informs me that it’s a movie – I’m not a movie person. Which would be the perfect small talk topic in many situations. Bummer.
 Autumnal Equinox 
 #1 Trending Search twice in a week? Still not something I’d bring up at a party.
 Emmys 2015
 I don’t go to the movies and I don’t have cable – so my ability to discuss things in the world of popular culture is extremely limited.

 Alabama Football
        I got nothin’.
 Zoey 101 
        Hey, I know what this is! No clue why it’s a trending topic though…not to mention that if I were to bring this up in small talk in would almost certainly result in awkwardness.  
Denver Broncos 
Can we just get hockey season started?
Republican Debate We watched the first one as a fun family vacation activity, but the second one – no thanks.
Snapchat Update 
YES! I could definitely sustain a conversation about the new Snapchat selfie filters for a solid 5 minutes. I would also mention that I recently captured an EPIC video for my Snapchat story which involved a biker SCREAMING at a cabby.
Sheesh. Whatever happened to baseball being America’s favorite pastime?
NFL Scores 
        I’m done.
 Serena Williams 
        Serena Williams is a BEAST in the best, most badass way possible. So she lost. She’s still epic.
 I think we all could have a conversation about where we were on September 11, 2001.

 NFL Scores
  Stephen Colbert 
 An incredibly talented guy that I wish I watched more of. I had the chance to attend a filming  of Colbert Report a few years ago, and it was definitely an awesome experience!
 Ohio State Football
 Venus Williams 
 If my sister beat me at tennis, I wouldn’t be a happy camper!
 Alabama Football 
 Serena Williams 
See above – she’s epic.
 Tom Brady 
Deflate Gate 2015? I didn’t follow it, but I’ve obviously heard about it. I don’t live under a rock.
 Frontier Airlines
 I book travel for people at work, and this airline comes up in my searches every once in a while. I have no idea why they are a trending search topic though – which probably means I don’t skim the homepage of the New York Times often enough.
 Google logo History 
Every now and then I’ll take note of the Google logo on the homepage and take a second to appreciate the creativity. Other days I’m like, really? That’s what you’ve got?
US Tennis Open 
One day I want to buy a skort and go to the US Open. I went to tennis camp when I was younger and my mom played in high school and wanted me to follow in her footsteps. I wasn’t awful, except that field hockey was during the same season. So, sorry Mom! But tennis is fun. And fancy. And I like when it gets some love. (Get it, love?)
Miley Cyrus 
YES. Let’s chat about Miley, shall we?

So I think the moral of the story is that if anyone tries to bring up football during small talk – it’s going to be a very awkward conversation. Same with any movies and likely television as well. Which, apparently, is what everyone is the world is Googling in their free time.

I can discuss Miley, Snapchat filters and how annoying it is when people post the Facebook Privacy status.

Good thing my weekend plans involve my best friend’s birthday, quality time with my sister and limited interaction with strangers.

And maybe I should watch some football.